What It Takes: A prequel
by Nymphean
Summary: Remus and Sirius' relationship was torn apart by the murders of their best friends. Now, twelve years later, can they heal old wounds? A companion (prequel) to "Sky Blue". SLASH of the m/m variety (Nah, REALLY?!)


A/n: This is a prequel/companion to "Sky Blue", one of what I hope will be many small spin offs

**Author's note: This is a prequel/companion to "Sky Blue", one of what I hope will be many small spin offs. It is SLASH of the male/male variety, so if this is going to bother you, than run away, run away now!!! The basis of this ficlet is the relationship between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, both before and after Sirius' imprisonment in Azkaban. I hope you enjoy it… I'm trying my best. Special thanks to Meg Albatou for lending me her computer to write this fic! Enjoy, -Nymphean**

What it Takes: A Prequel

_"Tell me what it takes to let you go_

_Tell me how the pain's supposed to go_

_Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night_

_Without thinking you lost everything_

_That was good in your life to the toss of the dice…"_

__

_-Aerosmith, 'What it Takes'_

"Remus, where the fuck is my robe?"

Remus Lupin looked up from the issue of the Daily Prophet that he was reading and shrugged, a bemused look crossing his face. "It's your robe, Sirius," He said, restraining himself from laughing. The other man began rummaging through the piles of clothing on the floor, throwing a pair of socks at Lupin'sface. "You're making a mess of my room," He muttered in Sirius' direction. Sirius rolled his eyes

"Oh yes, because it perfectly immaculate to begin with, right?" 

"It would be, if you didn't insist on throwing your cloths off in such an untidy fashion."

Sirius chuckled quietly as he continued to rummage. "You've never complained yet. Ah, there it is!" He struggled into his robe with some difficulty. "Damn. It's all wrinkled."

Remus shook his head and leaned forward, reaching for his wand. He pointed it casually at Sirius and muttered a few words, sending sparks at Sirius' robes and nodding, satisfied, as the wrinkles disappeared. "Why are you in such a hurry anyway? What's so important that you have to tell James RIGHT NOW?" He said it with a grin, but there was a slightly hurt undertone in his voice. Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Remus, you know I wouldn't go if I absolutely didn't have to. But I do." He walked over to Remus and sat down on the arm of his chair. 

"You didn't answer my question," Remus said, leaning his head against Sirius' side. Black sighed, entwining his fingers with Lupin's.

"I can't do it, Remus, I just know I'll screw it up."

"What, the secret-keeper thing?" Remus chuckled. "Sirius, you're not going to screw it up. Hey, LOOK at me, okay?" He held the other man's face between his hands. "You're NOT. Hear me?"

Sirius shook his head. "Lily and James are my best friends, the only people in this world I love besides you. How can I let them put all their trust in me when I can't even trust myself?"

"I trust you," Remus said quietly, letting his hands fall away from Sirius' face. Sirius smiled faintly.

"I know." Moved to stand up, but Remus grabbed his arm and pulled him back. 

"Don't go," he said roughly. "I have a bad feeling about this, Sirius. I think it would be safer if you just stayed here."

Sirius shook his head. "I'm just going to go quickly, help them make the switch to Peter, and then I'll be back. I promise. You won't even know I was gone." He kissed the top of Lupin's head and looked into his eyes, always so clear, so easy to read. "Don't worry so much," Sirius said laughingly. "Gods, Remus… you'd think someone was about to die from the look on your face!" 

Lupin drew in a shaky breath and pushed back the burning feeling behind his eyes, pasting a smile on his pale face. "You're right," he said, trying his hardest to look at peace, "I guess I'm just being silly."

Sirius bent down and kissed Remus on the lips. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Promise me."

"Okay, I promise." 

Remus smiled, genuinely this time. "Then I guess you can go. But just remember, you owe me when you back."

Sirius flashed him a lopsided grin. "Oh NO!" Remus threw the socks which had hit him in the face back at Sirius. 

"Don't forget those." Sirius caught the socks before they hit him. "Go, you idiot," Lupin said, shaking his head.

"I'm going. Be back soon!" Sirius was just about to apparate when Remus called out to him again.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"I love you…"

Sirius smiled back at him. "I love you too." Then he raised his wand, and was gone.

_That was the last time I saw him before it happened. I still remember when I heard the news._

_"...The Dark Lord has fallen! It is a proud day for the wizarding world…"_

_Yes, the Dark Lord had fallen, but at what cost? _

_James and Lily, dead._

__Dead._ _

_And Peter with them. _

__But not just dead.__

_No…_

_…Betrayed. _

__Betrayed by their most trusted friend.__

__

__Sirius Black.__

__

Part 1: The Past

**~Sirius~**

I never stopped loving you.

Not once during the many years we were together.

And not once during the many years we were apart.

I won't lie, there were dark hours, every now and again, when I thought that you had forsaken me. After all, The case against me was air-tight, waterproof AND flame-retardant. And who were you more likely to believe: a convicted criminal (even one you'd known and loved for years), or the minister of magic? Yes, after the first few years, I was almost certain that YOU had stopped loving ME, but I never stopped. I couldn't stop.

You kept me alive.

Of course, after I had convinced myself that you didn't love me anymore and never could again, the boy became my priority, but I still thought about you at least twelve hours out of every day. It nearly drove me crazy, eleven years without any word of you, and then I heard. The thought kept circling round and round in my head;

_He is at Hogwarts._

_He is at Hogwarts._

_He is at Hogwarts._

__

And I knew. I knew what I had to do. 

**~Lupin~**

****

_God damn it, it's you._

_Fuck, Sirius, why are you doing this?_

__

I could barely hear your words over my own thoughts. 

_Why, why, why is this happening? Why are you doing this? _

__

You were talking rapidly, with a wild, vicious look in your eyes that I couldn't read. It scared me. I didn't understand at first, but when, at last, you lunged at that rat…

"It wasn't you!"

I practically jumped on you, embracing you for the first time in twelve years. My god, but you smelled! Of course, that didn't matter, all that mattered was that it wasn't you. 

Of course, we had very little time for a reunion just then (thank you Severus…), but that would come, all in good time. 

Peter. Stupid god damn FUCKING Peter! If I ever get my hands on that fucking liar, it had better be on a full moon! 

A year after that, a year of not knowing where you were, what you were doing, or if you still felt the same way about me. It was the hardest year of my life, far harder than the whole time you were in prison, because now I knew. You were innocent. You didn't do it. Which meant we could be together again.

All I had to do was wait.

As it turned out, it was the waiting that was the hardest part. Wondering almost every minute of every day whether or not you still loved me made the days feel like years and the year feel like a century. Dumbledore's letter was the first thing that gave me the slightest ray of hope in that whole year.

_Remus,_

__

_I assume you have heard of the events which ensued during the Triwizard Tournament this year. Due to the sudden attack of Lord Voldemort, I have decided that we can no longer stand still and wait to be defeated. The time has come to take action against the other side. If you are willing to help, your skills could definitely be put to good use. _

__

_One more thing before I go. I have suggested that Sirius Black lay low at your place until I find a task with which I need his help. I am sorry if I have made a mistake in volunteering your services. I didn't really think you would mind._

__

_Consider my offer. _

_-Albus Dumbledore._

__

And so it was that the waiting began all over again. 

But this time it was different.

This time I had hope.

Part 2

**~Sirius~**

Bliss.

It was bliss.

Coming home to a warm house, a soft bed… clean cloths, food, soap and water…

But none of them compared to you.

Back in your arms again, I began to feel the pain, the fear, the hate, slipping back into happiness and love. After fourteen years of not being with you, everything was right again, made right in just one perfect night…

**~Remus~**

****

…But when the morning came, and I looked over at you, it was a stranger who was lying beside me in my bed. This man, face twitching with horror at some unknown nightmare, was not my Sirius. And when you woke up screaming, and I held you in my arms, whispering comforting words and nearly crying at how you had been destroyed, I knew it was going to end. It was only a matter of time…

**~Sirius~**

****

It wasn't the same. I still loved you, and you still loved me, but it was different now, everything was different now. You'd had twelve years out in the world without me, and they had changed you. You weren't an innocent anymore. I suppose, in a way, you never were, but you were even less now, and it was the same with me.

But different.

I knew how hard you were trying, and it only made me want to try harder too, but time had sown the seeds of doubt and loneliness, and the vine were strangling us. God damn it, how I wanted things to work out between us.

I don't know when it was that I finally admitted it was over. I think it just happened gradually. But it happened, and once it did, there was no ignoring the facts.

We could never be like we were again.

**~Remus~**

****

We swore we wouldn't be bitter about it. I still loved you more than anyone on the earth, and I think you knew that, but you weren't who you used to be, and neither was I. So we came to the mutual agreement that it would be best to end things right where they were, before either of us got hurt. You told me that I would always have a part of your heart, even if I didn't have you, and then you cried. I dried your tears for you and told you what an idiot you were.

Then I cried, and you did the same thing for me. 

And I knew, lovers or friends, we would always be there to dry each other's tears. 

**Part 3**

"We met in Romania. He was my contact there." Sirius looked at Lupin desperately. "Please don't be angry with me, Remus."

Lupin shrugged it off, forcing a smile onto his face. "Of course I'm not angry with you, Sirius. I'm glad you two found each other. Good for you." He turned to the kitchen counter and began to shuffle through the mess of papers. "I'm sorry about the mess in here…"

"You are angry with me."

Lupin shook his head. "I'm NOT. Really!"

Sirius sighed. "Yes, you are," he said placidly. "You're changing the subject. You always change the subject when you're angry."

"God damn it, Sirius…" Lupin looked into his former lovers eyes for a few seconds before shaking his head and turning away. "So what's his name?"

"Charlie."

"Charlie. Hm."

Sirius put a hand on Lupin's shoulder. "Please, Remus… don't turn to stone on me. I need to know that you're okay with this. Please, don't shut me out."

Lupin turned around to face him, placing his hand over top of Sirius'. "I'm okay. As long as you're happy, I'll be happy for you."

Sirius smiled, and Remus saw the smile spread to his eyes for the first time since the night he came back to him. "Thank you, Remus. I needed to hear you say that."

_He IS happy, Remus thought. He closed his eyes. "Just…" His voice cracked, and with it, his heart. "…remember I'm always here if you need me."_

Sirius nodded and pulled him into an embrace. "I have to go," he said quietly, pulling away. When he didn't moved, Remus shook his head and chuckled softly.

"Go, you idiot," He whispered, not a little ironically. Sirius gave him a little smile.

"I'm going," he whispered, apparating out of the flat. Remus looked at the floor, his eyes burning.

__

_…Lovers or friends, we would always be there to dry each other's tears…_

__

Remus watched as the drops of saline sadness hit the kitchen tiles. 

"_Sirius…"_

__"Hm?"__

__

Remus shut his eyes. 

"I love you…"

**~Le Fin~**


End file.
